It's a hard life
by 100percentindependent
Summary: AU. When troubles appear one after another in Merlin's life is it a coincidence or someone's evil plot? Will Arthur be able to help him or will he make it worse?Merlin - emergency surgeon, Arthur - cosmetic surgeon. R&R please!
1. Chapter 1 Life is wonderful

A/N: Hello everyone! Here's the first chapter of what I hope will be a great story. Feel free to review, all of your opinions will be highly appreciated.

_**It's a hard life**_

Chapter 1. Life is Wonderful

'Life is wonderful…

Hm… isn't it a line from a song?'

These were the first Merlin's thoughts that morning.

After a little thought he understood that it didn't really matter, because it was true. Merlin smiled to himself. He could feel the warm sun-rays on his face and closed eyes. He could even hear some birds chirpering. But the main factor that made him smile was the feeling of a soft body lying next to his. He could even sense a strong and steady pulse, because his arm was hugging said body even at night.

When he finally decided it was time to open his eyes to meet another beautiful day, he was met with a wonderful view of two sleepy but nonetheless astonishing eyes. Once again he felt like he could stare into those eyes for the rest of his life and his heart skipped a beat. He never thought he could fall so madly in love with anyone, but here he was, lying next to the most important person in his life and grinning like a fool. He was truly happy.

"Good morning" he whispered, tightening his embrace and burying his nose in that soft hair.

"Morning" Freya pulled away from Merlin's face and planted a soft kiss on his lips. "So, what are our plans for your day off?"

"Oh, I thought we could sleep in or just stay in bed till mid afternoon" Merlin grinned slyly, "And then I was thinking about a nice dinner in your favorite restaurant. How does that sound, my fair lady?"

"Hm… Are you sure that sleeping for such a long time will be good to your health?" After that Merlin put on his most serious face and answered sounding professional.

"Well, as a doctor I can assure you that my health is out of danger, because as of lately I didn't get a chance to get much sleep. So you don't have to worry about that. And we could do much more interesting and enjoyable things in bed that just sleeping." The last statement was murmured into Freya's ear, and after that Merlin moved to plant a few soft kisses onto her earlobe and her neck.

He was just moving along her neck to kiss her on the lips, when he herd the beginning of "Save me" song, ringing from his bedside table. He froze for a second and then moved upwards to look Freya in the eye. Her smiling face became serious when she met his gaze.

"You should pick it up" she told him quietly and put her palm on his cheek.

He sighed heavily and reached for the ringing mobile.

"Merlin Emrys"

After that he listened to the quick speech of someone on the other side of the phone his frown increasing with every second.

"But where's Gauis? He should be there today!"

He had to listen some more, but soon he finished the call with another heavy sigh and a phrase "I'll be there".

He put the phone down and turned to look at Freya who looked disappointed and sad.

"I guess there'll be no interesting and enjoyable things then. And even no sleeping in for you. What happened? I thought you had a long-deserved day off, can't they spend just one day without you?"

"There was a serious car accident and many of the injured were taken to our hospital, because it was the closest. They need all of us there today, they can't help everyone fast, because there are not enough surgeons" Merlin sounded apologetic and tried to look Freya in the eyes, though she turned her head to the side and was now looking outside the window. "I'm sorry, I know we spend little time together lately, but I promise I'll change that. Do you trust me?"

"You know I do. I just miss you" she sighed and looked at Merlin once more. "I know how tired you are and I worry about you, but I also know that you're saving lives out there, so I'll have to deal with it". She leaned up and reached to kiss Merlin on the lips, slowly and deeply, their tongues expressing mutual feelings without words.

When the kiss ended Merlin pulled her into a tight hug and murmured softly "I love you so much".

He felt Freya hug him back when she said "You have to go, there are people waiting for you, they need you."

"You're right, as always. I'll call when I'm free and we can at least go to that restaurant, ok?"

He knew she was right, but he really didn't want to let go. With a final squeeze, he rolled out of bed, quickly went to the bathroom, took a cold shower to help himself wake up and gather his thoughts, grabbed some jeans and a sweater, pulled on winter coat, pressed another kiss to the soft lips he loved so much and ran out.

He had to hurry, according to a short report from the hospital there were ten injured in the accident, and three of them were in a critical state. Two surgical teams were already working on the most severely injured victims, but his team had to help the third person. He knew that his patient was already prepared and waiting for his main surgeon, who had to perform an operation that could save his life.

The General Hospital was situated about half an hour walk from Merlin's flat and he enjoyed walking, but today he was in a hurry, so he took the first cab he met and promised generous tips if the driver took him to the hospital as soon as possible. Maybe his face was too worried, because the ride took only about seven minutes, which the young doctor spent talking on the phone with his assistant surgeon, who filled Merlin on their patient's injuries.

The driver didn't even pull the car to a final stop, when Merlin was already running up the main stairs, having left enough money to pay for the trip twice as long. Satisfied cabbie smiled to himself and wished he had more such passengers.

Meanwhile Merlin was practically running through the hospital halls, trying to avoid collisions with people on crutches and in wheelchairs, passing nurses in a hurry carrying trays with drugs. It was not a rare occurrence for Merlin to get to work this way, and he really hated it. But it came with being one of the main surgeons in Emergency Department of the General Hospital. It was on such occasions that he couldn't help but think that their Department was too far from the main entrance and it took him forever to get to hid dying patients.

To get into the operation room quicker he started changing on his way: he had already taken off his coat and was trying to get out of his sweater by the time he reached the changing room. Once in there, he got out of his jeans, threw on some scrubs and hurried to the washing room, where he was met by his assistant surgeon – Lance.

"Hey! Sorry to ruin you day off…"

"Hey Lance, and I know it's not your fault. I guess I'll just have to wait for another opportunity to get some sleep" Merlin tried to joke, but they both knew situation was far too serious and their patient's life was depending on their skills. Lance offered a reassuring smile and after washing-up was done two surgeons entered the OR.

* * *

'I lost him' he couldn't help but play this thought over and over again in his mind. Merlin could still see the face of Mark Johnson – the man who died on his operating table less than ten minutes ago. He was already washing-up for the next operation, he still had two injured people to help, so young surgeon had to take his mind of the unsuccessful attempt in saving man's life.

Merlin had worked in the General Hospital for three years now and he had lost some of his patients, as most of them came to his table in several pieces, which he had to put together like a puzzle to save their lives. He had also had days, the ones he preferred not to think about, when he had lost a patient and had to operate more. But that experience taught him to switch his mind of some subjects and concentrate on the task at hand.

"You ok?" he heard Lance's concerned voice when he reentered the OR.

"No, but we have more important things to do than mourn, so let's help others while we still can, shall we?" Merlin's voice was quiet but steady. That was one of the reasons why he was a leading surgeon at such a young age. People respected his ability to withdraw himself from the pain all of the doctors felt after losing a patient and he could perform a brilliant operation at any given condition.

And so they set to work, and the operating room was once more filled with noises of life-supporting machines beeping and surgeon's commands.

* * *

After successfully performing two more operations Merlin was drowned, both physically and mentally, so his only thought was to get home and go to sleep, preferably with Freya, who will be supportive and gentle and will soothe his worries.

So, when Lance suggested going out for a few drink after a rough shift, Merlin politely declined and headed home.

"See you on Tuesday then" Lance said when they were parting ways "Don't forget you have a day off tomorrow and have some rest, ok?"

Merlin couldn't help but smile. Lance was his close friend and was always supportive and caring and sometimes Merlin thought his friend came off the pages of the old book about knights.

"Right, Mother Hen" Merlin smiled at the annoyed expression on Lance's face "I'll be alright, I always am. Don't you know me well enough to say that?"

"I know you well enough to say that you're too reckless when it comes to your sleeping and eating habits. Sometimes I think you could hide behind the lamp post and no one would notice you were there."

"You're exaggerating, and I'm old enough to care about myself. Anyway, I feel like I could fall asleep right now, talking to you, so I should really head home. See you!" and with that and a final wave of his hand, Merlin turned left and started his walk home. Lance stood there for a while looking at the back of his leaving friend. Merlin could fool anyone with that special smile of his, but Lance knew better than to believe that Merlin was okay. Only a heartless doctor would feel nothing after losing a patient and Merlin had a large and kind heart. With a long sigh and another glance towards the way Merlin left, Lance turned around and went home.

It was seven in the evening and Merlin started to feel cold, in his morning hurry he managed to forget his hat and scarf, so right now he was walking with his hand in the pockets trying to pull his head into his shoulders as deep as possible. He could have taken a taxi, but right now he felt like he needed space and air. Once again his mind went through that operation, trying to find the answer, to understand how it went wrong. He knew he would probably never be able to fall asleep that night, continuously trying to make himself believe that it wasn't his fault, that he had done everything to save the man's life.

He was so deep in his thought he didn't even notice how he got home, ascended the stairs and opened the front door to their flat – the one he shared with Freya. It was a sign of how lost he was that he didn't notice an unfamiliar pair of shoes in the hall. He only thought something was wrong when he heard muffled noises coming from their bedroom. Merlin could hear loud moans and squeaking of the bed and rustling of the sheets. He knew where those noises usually came from, but he refused to believe his own ears, so he came closer to the door and opened it slowly and soundlessly.

And that's when his world collapsed.

There, on the bed, was the woman he loved, having passionate sex with some nameless guy, screaming and moaning. He wanted to tear the man from Freya, to punch him, to yell at both of them… But most of all he wanted to know the answer to a single question – How long?

He knew why she would do it, he understood he was not the best kind of a boyfriend, but he truly loved her and cherished their relationship. So now all he wanted to know was how long was she cheating on him. But, then again he might know that either.

'When was the last time she told me she loved me? It must be about half of the year ago. Oh God, I can't believe I was so blind I didn't notice it sooner! I am an idiot!'

A low pained moan escaped his lips without him even noticing, and that was the moment when Freya, who was on her back, noticed him. Her eyes were glazed with lust and desire, her face was covered with sweat and her expression wasn't one of guilt or shame – it was one of disdain.

"Why didn't you call when you finished your work?"

'Is that everything you want to tell me right now?' Merlin thought, but his mouth refused to open, so he silently turned on his heel and left the apartment – her apartment. He never wanted to see it or her again.

Merlin felt strange. Being a physician he couldn't explain what he felt. On one hand, he could swear that his heart was aching to terribly he was worried whether it was going to stop beating soon, not that he objected too much to that. On the other hand he felt kind of numb, like everything that happened today was just a bad dream and he was going to wake up soon.

'The only problem is that I know I'm not asleep' Merlin smiled ironically. His feet were carrying him somewhere on their own accord and it was only when he started to feel really cold that he noticed he was nearing the General Hospital. Ironic smile turned bitter.

Nevertheless he entered the main door and unconsciously moved towards his own Emergency Department. He wanted to be alone and he knew the best place to do it – waiting rooms. Not that they were always empty, quite the opposite there was almost always someone waiting to see the doctor and learn the results of the operation. But he knew one spot where relatives never stayed, so that was his destination for now. He would think about everything else later.

Merlin managed to reach Waiting Room 13 in a few minutes and when he saw it was empty, just as expected, he went to the couch and sat on it. The piece of furniture was old and batted, but it was just perfect for an exhausted doctor, who needed rest. Before he knew what he was doing, Merlin laid down and within a few seconds he was asleep, the stress of the long day finally catching up on him.

* * *

'Life's great'

That was exactly what Arthur Pendragon was thinking strolling through the halls of the General Hospital after having an intimate rendezvous with one of the pretty nurses from the Pediatrics Department. She was good-looking and sweet and more passionate than he could ever imagine. So he could definitely say that his evening was starting great. And to add to his joy, he had a date with one of his ex-patients. He knew it was not ethical of him, but he simply couldn't resist his own magnificent work he did with her breasts and they both agreed that he wouldn't be her surgeon ever again.

Arthur was smiling and practically humming some joyful melody when he met Gwen. She looked concerned and he immediately quickened his pace to reach her and find out what was wrong.

Once they were lovers, but being a playboy he was, Arthur couldn't resist the temptations that surrounded him and they broke up. After that he somehow managed to gain Gwen's friendship once again, which was rather useful, as they worked at the same hospital, though she was a nurse and he was a cosmetic surgeon.

"Hi Gwen! What's wrong?"

"Hi Arthur! It's great I met you!"

"I'd never thought you wanted to get back together. Lance can't keep up the pace I set?" Arthur couldn't help but joke about Gwen's current boyfriend.

"Stop that, will you?" Arthur had never seen Gwen being so harsh, he thought he might have stepped over the line this time. But then she smiled sheepishly and apologized "Sorry Arthur, I'm just nervous and I need your help. Come with me, ok?"

"You know I could never say no to a beautiful woman," seeing that Gwen turned to her usual self, Arthur decided it was safe to make another joke, his mood was still great.

But when they reached the Waiting Room 13 he lost his smile and stood frozen for a moment. He saw his best friend sleeping restlessly on an old couch looking paler than usual.

"What's he doing here?" his voice was angry, but Gwen knew he wasn't angry with her.

"I don't know. One of our nurses found him half of an hour ago and I immediately came to see him, but I guess you'll be able to learn more from Merlin himself. My shift is not over, so could you take care of him?"

Arthur was silently watching his old friend with worried eyes.

'Something must be terribly wrong, if Merlin is asleep at the Hospital wearing his winter clothes'. Aloud he said only "Yeah, of course. After all, I've always had to keep him out of trouble. Good luck with your shift, Gwen."

The nurse silently nodded and went back to her duties.

And Arthur kneeled by the couch Merlin was sleeping on and put a gentle hand on the man's shoulder. "Wake up, Merlin."


	2. Chapter 2 Friends will be friends

A/N I could never imagine how much joy your reviews would bring me! So thanks to everyone who read my story! Feel free to express your opinions about the second chapter. Hope you'll like it.

_**It's a hard life**_

Chapter 2. Friends Will Be Friends

Seeing his friend like this made Arthur smile, though it was little bitter. Merlin always could fall asleep in the most inappropriate places.

When they were at college Merlin fell asleep on every horizontal surface he could reach, like tables at classes, street benches and, of course, floor. Even when they both found themselves as surgeons at the General Hospital, his friend didn't give up on his strange habit – once Arthur found him asleep on the empty operating table and several times – on top of the wheeled beds, which stood near the OR. Most of the times it was out of exhaustion and Merlin usually wore his scrubs. That's why this time Arthur was worried, he had never seen Merlin asleep in the Hospital wearing his own clothes.

"Merlin Emrys, if you don't wake up this instant you'll be late again!" This was the wake-up call Merlin's mother Hunith told Arthur to use to wake Merlin up, when he didn't want to get up. And just as always, it worked like a charm.

"I'm up! I'm up!" Merlin sat up on the couch immediately and looked around searching for his mother. When he saw no one, but Arthur, he relaxed a bit.

"Very funny, Arthur. I didn't think you still remembered 'The wake-up call'. So what happened of such a great emergency that you decided to wake me up?" Judging from his voice, he was still very tired and annoyed.

"Nothing really" Arthur grinned "Just wanted to say "hi" and learn how you're doing"

"I always knew you were a prat" Merlin sighed and laid back down closing his eyes.

"And what do you think you're doing?" Arthur asked in an amused voice.

"God, did they not teach you anything in that Medical school? I though even the first-year student could say that when a person lies down and closes his or her eyes it means they are going to sleep."

"Really? I should remember that" Arthur smiled, if Merlin was making witty retorts, everything was fine. "So tell me, Great Doctor, why are you sleeping in the waiting room when, as far as I know, you have a perfectly nice bed at home?"

Merlin was silent for a moment, then sighed and said:

"It may be perfectly nice, but I don't think I'll ever be able to sleep in it or just see it. Hell, even thinking about that bed makes me nauseous."

"What are you talking about? Something happened between you and Freya?" Now Arthur was seriously worried. He knew how madly in love with the girl Merlin was and he couldn't imagine what happened between the two of them to make Merlin sound like that.

"It's more like something happened between her and some huge guy. On our bed. Which is perfectly nice, by the way" Merlin answered his eyes tightly shut and his hand covering them. His voice was soft, but angry and hurt.

"Oh man, I'm sorry. When did you find out?" Merlin suddenly set up and stared at Arthur.

"Hm, let me think, I'm sleeping on the couch in the waiting room instead of having dinner with my girlfriend. When do you think I found out?" His friend flinched away and looked at Merlin sympathetically. Merlin sighed once again and slumped on the couch. "I'm sorry Arthur. I'm just mad at her and at myself. And I don't know what to do anymore."

"Listen, right now you need to have some rest…" Merlin interrupted him with a slight smile

"That's what I was trying to do when you woke me up."

"Yeah, right. Anyway, I assume you have no place to go, seeing that you decided to sleep in the Hospital. So I suggest you stay at my place for a while, till you decide what to do next. What do think?"

"I think that one of your one-night stands would be really disappointed to find me in the guest bedroom"

"Hey, don't worry about them. Besides, what would any of my girls do in the guest bedroom when I'm in my own?" Arthur grinned "So will you come with me or do you prefer to live in the Hospital?" Before Merlin could even open his mouth Arthur grabbed his hand, pulled him up from the couch and started pulling his friend towards the elevator.

When they reached the underground parking lot Merlin had no choice when Arthur practically pushed him into the passenger seat of his black Porsche Cayenne.

"Listen, I have to make one phone call, so just relax and listen to some music, okay?" with that Arthur turned on the stereo and closed driver's door to his car. Merlin watched him walking around the parking lot talking with someone and then closed his eyes and tried to follow his friend's advice and relax. 'Right, if that's even possible'.

Meanwhile Arthur dialed the number of his date for this evening and tried to sound apologetic. He didn't want Merlin to know that he was cancelling the date or he would insist on Arthur leaving him alone in his flat or even leaving him in the hospital. When he told what's-her-name that his friend needed help and he couldn't meet her she became furious and hung up.

The blond was a little disappointed but he knew Merlin needed him right now, even if he would never admit it. Putting on his best reassuring smile he climbed into the car and started the engine.

"Had to call home and ask all my girls to leave so that you could stay" he said smugly glancing at Merlin.

"Just how many women do you need to satisfy your endless libido?"

"Don't know yet. I guess I have never slept with that many girls at once"

"You're awful, you know that?"

"But you love me anyway" Arthur grinned

"Yeah, I guess I do" after that Merlin closed his eyes again and the rest of the car ride was quiet with only voices of the radio DJs filling the silence.

Arthur tried to concentrate on the road ahead, though they've missed the rush hour and there wasn't much traffic, so he allowed his mind to drift back to his friend. Arthur was worried, it was usually Merlin who did the reassuring and supportive part when Arthur was heartbroken or had a fight with his father or was just in a bad mood. His friend always used to be optimistic and energetic even on his worst days, Merlin was still the same strange but sweet clumsy Merlin. So right now Arthur was at a loss of what to do.

If Freya was a guy, Arthur would kick her ass, but she wasn't and that was a problem.

His only idea so far was to take Merlin to his place, pour as much alcohol into him as possible and then let him sleep in tomorrow. This way he won himself some time to come up with a plan to bring his friend back to his usual cheery self. Because if he couldn't he wasn't sure what he'd do. Somehow during the years they've known each other Merlin wormed his way into Arthur's heart. They turned from enemies to friends and he couldn't even tell how.

* * *

Arthur clearly remembered their first encounter. He arrived to the university late on his first year of Medical School, because he had a terrible fight with his father who wouldn't allow him to study history and instead enlisted him to Med school to study surgery. So to say Arthur was pissed when he finally got to his room at the dorm would be a severe understatement. At least that's how he explained his horrible behavior to himself later when guilt started to set in.

He slammed the door open with his foot, barged into the room and turned on the lights. He was greeted with a startled boy who jumped on his bed, apparently he was asleep, and considering it was 2 am.

"I like your side of the room" Arthur stated without greeting.

"What?" the boy's voice was hoarse from sleep and he was sitting on the bed rubbing his eyes like a child.

"I said I like your side of the room. And I didn't know there were deaf doctors. Anyway, move, now!" He finished in a commanding voice, clasping his hands as if everything was set.

"As flattered as I am that you like my bed, feel free to take another one, as the first one to get to the room gets the privilege to choose the bed first" the sleepy boy was finally awake, but after stating his point he turned in bed facing away from the intruder and decided to go back to sleep.

Arthur stood there stunned by the way this boy treated him. Apparently he didn't know who his roommate was, but Arthur was not used to be treated this way and after the legendary fight with his father he needed to blow off his steam. So the next moment he grabbed the figure on the bed wrapped in the blanket, lifted it and practically dumped on the floor outside the room. Before the boy even had a chance o protest, the door was slammed shut and locked and he was left to his own devices.

It was next morning that Arthur first found his roommate sleeping on the floor outside their room. He felt a little guilty, but when he saw other people watching him, he lightly kicked the sleeping form and grumbled "Rise and shine, idiot!"

And that was the way they communicated: Arthur would humiliate Merlin during their classes and leave him outside of the room on the nights he decided to take some girl to his room. Merlin took all the abuse always answering with witty retorts but never complained to any of their professors. Very soon Merlin made friends with Will and Lance and he no longer had to sleep in the hall when Arthur wanted a quick fuck.

It was one autumn night when Arthur warned Merlin not to come back to their bedroom. He didn't really have a date that day he was just angry and wanted to torture his roommate some more. He decided to go to the local pub, where he drank far too much than he should have. Years later he was thankful for that coincidence that made him meet an angry boyfriend of one of his one-night stands and five of his friends. They were all slightly drunk and their eyes read murder. Arthur knew he didn't have a chance against six guys when he was that drunk, so he prepared for the inevitable. When he received a couple of first punches he only hoped to pass out soon.

Suddenly he heard the familiar voice and everything stopped

"If I were you, I'd leave him alone. Sure, he's an ass, but I think he got enough for today" Merlin was standing near the bench covered with a blanket and held his mobile phone as if he was taking a video. "I've already sent the video to my friend and if I don't call him in five minutes he's going to post it on youtube. So I highly recommend you to take your leave"

Arthur couldn't believe his eyes when he saw the mob stalking away glancing back angrily but not able to do anything.

"I thought you were supposed to fuck some random girl today" Merlin stated matter-of-factly taking Arthur's hand, grabbing his blanket and leading his roommate to their room.

"Erm… Well… You know…" It seemed like Arthur had lost his speech

"Trying to thank someone for the first time in your life? Must be hard for you, but with some practice you'll learn to do it as any normal person" Merlin led Arthur into their room, made him sit on the bed and then left for a while to fetch a cup of cold water and a towel.

When Arthur was finally able to say something he muttered "Shouldn't you call your friend? I would prefer my face not to appear on youtube in such a video"

"Surely not, seeing that it's not porn" Merlin smirked "But there's one problem – there's no camera on my phone" Arthur was shocked

"You were bluffing? I can't believe you stood up to six huge drunk guys with nothing but a cheap phone"

"Hey, it's not that cheap, you know." Merlin knelt in front of the bed and started cleaning Arthur's scratches and bruises.

"You're an idiot" Arthur flinched when wet towel touched a particularly sensitive area.

"You haven't thanked me yet and now you call me an idiot. I think I already regret my decision to save you. Maybe I should have allowed them to hit you a couple more times for you to be more grateful."

"So you could have stopped them earlier but decided not to? Well you're not as harmless as you look".

"I'll take that as a compliment" Merlin smiled and started applying band-aids on the large gashes and some salve for the bruises.

"Why were you sleeping on a bench anyway? I thought you found some friends who were stupid enough to let you stay at night." His words were harsh, but his tone was soft.

"Will has to study for a test and Lance went home for the weekend and there's a party downstairs so I couldn't really sleep in the hall. And some people really like me however hard it can be for you to believe." By this time he finished attending to all Arthur's wounds and put away all his supplies. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I'd like to catch up on some sleep" with that he took his blanket and went for the door.

"Where are you going?"

"My bench is waiting for me" Merlin didn't turn around but Arthur could hear his bitter smile. Merlin put a hand on the doorknob, but didn't have a chance to open the door, as Arthur grabbed his wrist.

"Listen, I'm sorry. I know I acted like an ass and I didn't deserve your help. And I don't know how I'll ever be able to repay you for what you did."

"Now you sound like some knight in the shining armor from the Middle Ages" Merlin turned around to face the blond and smiled. "But in case you're serious about repaying you could spend a few nights sleeping in the hall"

Arthur looked surprised but he knew Merlin had a right to ask him do it, so he took Merlin's blanket and open the door.

"Oh, God! I was just kidding!" Merlin almost doubled over in laughter. "Did you really think I would send you to sleep on the floor?" He quickly grabbed the blanket and pulled Arthur back to the room.

Watching his roommate's fun Arthur couldn't help but smile.

"Seeing as you're so friendly today, maybe we should start our acquaintance from the beginning." Merlin knelt near his own bed, then bent down and fished a bottle from under it. He grinned cheekily and waved the bottle in the air. "Care to join me for a drink?"

After all the adrenalin that rushed through his veins Arthur felt sober enough to agree so he held out his glass while Merlin poured them both generous amounts of what smelled like whiskey. After that Merlin reached out with his right hand and said "Hi, I'm Merlin. I study surgery because I want to save people's lives" Arthur smiled and took his hand.

"I'm Arthur. I never wanted to come here but had no other choice".

"Nice to meet you, Arthur"

"Likewise" and after that they downed their glasses.

After a few more shots, both roommates sat on the floor leaning their backs on their respective beds and just talking. They discussed their families and friends, their professors and favorite books.

"Hey, Arthur, you told me you didn't want to come here, right?"

His blond roommate only silently nodded. He felt too relaxed and didn't want to break the feeling. Arthur couldn't remember last time he could simply sit and talk with someone sharing a bottle of whiskey.

"So why did you apply for the Medical School?"

"I didn't. That was my father – Uther Pendragon. You must know him, he works at the Health Ministry"

"Yeah, I've heard about him. I assume you have a strained relationship" He noticed Arthur tense but decided to push his luck while it was possible "I just wanted to suggest you a kind of solution"

"So you're a professional psychologist and you can make him allow me do what I want?"

"Not really" Merlin smiled "But you know, next year we'll have to choose a specialization. I'm going to choose general surgery, and as long as you're not fond of the opportunity of saving lives, you could go for cosmetic surgery"

Arthur frowned, but the more he thought about Merlin's idea, the more he liked it. It was perfect – he would be able to see beautiful women and his choice would definitely piss his father off. But that was what he deserved for not letting Arthur do as he pleased. So he smiled and brought his glass up to meet Merlin's

"Merlin, I think it's the beginning of the wonderful friendship."

* * *

When Arthur finally came back from his memories he found that they had reached his apartment complex and Merlin was looking out of the window with sad eyes. The blond shook himself and opened the door.

"Let's get in. You really look like you could use some sleep"

Once they were inside, cosmetic surgeon went to the kitchen and Merlin trudged to the living room.

"Have I told you that your flat looks like a true bachelor's house?" Merlin tried to joke when Arthur gave him a glass of something alcoholic.

"Yes, you have and I lost count of how many times you did"

"So now you're trying to get me drunk and pull me to bed like one of your girls?"

"As if I would ever use such an advantage and on you, no less. Just tell me where do you hear all those stupid rumors about me?"

"Well, you know our nurses, they speak all the time and they share everything."

"Are you spying on them when they're changing?" Arthur couldn't help but smile, their usual banter sounded reassuring. He hoped that if Merlin could joke he would be fine. He just couldn't bring himself to talk about Freya and as Merlin didn't touch the subject, he decided to wait.

After a few more glasses Merlin felt like his eyelids were getting heavier every second, so he silently put his glass down and went to the guest bedroom. Thankfully he visited his friend's flat enough times to find it on his own. He hoped he had enough to drink to fall asleep soon and have no dreams. He was grateful that Arthur tried to take his mind of his problems and once again gave himself credit for saving the prat's life all those years ago.

Arthur watched Merlin's departure and poured himself another drink. After he made sure his friend was safe and drunk enough to stop thinking about Freya he allowed his rage to show itself. His hand squished the glass so hard his knuckles turned white.

'How could that bitch betray Merlin? How could anyone want to hurt him?'He knew he had to find a way to protect his friend. First thing tomorrow he was going to pay a visit to Freya and have a nice talk to her, but right now he would follow Merlin's example and have some rest.


	3. Chapter 3 I'll be there for you

A/N Hey guys! Thanks for all the reviews and alerts and favs! You're the best :D

Here's the next chapter and I hope you enjoy my little flashbacks, because here you'll find another one.

And in the forth chapter the suspense will start, so stay in touch ;)

Oh, almost forgot – review please :D

_**It's a hard life**_

Chapter 3. I'll be there for you

Next morning Arthur woke up with a plan in mind. He had to pay a visit to Freya this morning, and he also wanted to cheer Merlin up, but he wasn't sure he'd be able to do it on his own, so he dialed the one person he knew could help him and wasn't asleep at this ungodly hour.

"Morgana LeFay"

"Hey Morgs! Have plans for today?" he tried to sound cheery because he knew how much this tone irritated his step-sister. And irritating her was second in his top five ways of having fun.

The first one was to tease Merlin.

"What do you want Arthur? I'm busy" Arthur could hear her typing and knew she must be at work already. And it was only freaking 7:30 in the morning!

"Gods, Morgana, what time do you actually get up?"

"If you're just calling me to ask stupid questions, _brother_, I'm afraid I'll have to hang up" and he knew she was going to do just that if he didn't go straight to the problem.

"Listen, I need your help. It's _Merlin_." His tone became serious and he knew Morgana was paying attention now. "He caught Freya on cheating yesterday…" Arthur didn't have a chance to finish his sentence and had to pull the speaker away from his ear because of Morgana's screams.

"That bitch! I knew there was something off about her!"

"Morgana calm down, I think half of London can hear you screaming." That did it and the angry woman quieted.

"Where's he?"

"At my place. I found him sleeping on the couch in the waiting room in the evening and suggested he stayed with me for a while. So I was wondering if you could help me cheering him up. I'm off work today, but I'm not sure what to do…"

"You take care of him before I come. I need to cancel a few meetings and I'll be at your place at 10." Morgana switched to her 'I'm the Queen of the World' mode in an instant.

"Right, see you then. I just want to pay a visit to one little cheating bitch before breakfast to collect some of Merlin's things"

"I wish I could visit her with you, I'd like to have a word with her"

"Well, you're most welcome to do, because, you know, I can't hit women"

"Oh, but I can" and on that note Morgana hung up.

* * *

On his drive to Freya's flat Arthur thought back to the time he introduced Merlin to Morgana. Somehow he knew the two would like each other from the first glance and he was right.

Arthur invited Merlin to spend winter vacation at his house, because he knew for sure Morgana wouldn't mind and Uther never spent Christmas at home – he always had those extremely important banquets and meetings to attend. And Merlin's mother went to the ski trip Merlin booked for her as a gift for Christmas.

So, on their first Christmas together, there were only three of them: Arthur, Morgana and Merlin. They were all a little drunk after stealing a few expensive wine bottles from Uther's cellar. It was Morgana's idea, but it was Arthur who had to actually sneak into the cellar.

The lights on the huge Christmas tree were blinking merrily in the otherwise dark living-room where the three of them were sitting by the burning fireplace talking, drinking, playing drinking games and just getting pissed, because life sucked.

"You know, Merlin I really envy you" Morgana said after downing another glass of red wine and giving it to Arthur for the refill.

"Really? I wonder why." Merlin had never drunk that much and felt a little light-headed. He wasn't even sure if he pronounced the words correctly, so he settled on speaking in short phrases.

"Well, you can do what you want and not bend down to the will of the autocratic father like Uther bloody Pendragon!" the girl explained disgust filling her face with a mention of her stepfather.

"Hey, I'm the Pendragon too!" Arthur decided to intrude into their conversation.

"Good for you, idiot. This only means you have to meet all his expectations just as I do. And thus we're both stuck at the stupid Med school!"

"Hey!" It was now Merlin's turn to feel offended. "Only because the two of you don't want to be there doesn't mean there's something wrong with studying Medicine." And to prove his point he made a huge gulp from his glass.

"Oh, but I think I'm going to enjoy my studies" Arthur smirked and winked at Merlin. They shared a knowing look.

"What?" Morgana almost choked on her drink. "Who are you and where's my stupid step-brother? Don't tell me Uther brainwashed you too."

"Not exactly, Morgs" Arthur smirked. "There's just someone who showed me the field of Medicine I think I'm going to enjoy" He raised his glass towards Merlin in silent cheer.

Morgana looked between the two of them looking suspicious

"And that would be?"

"Cosmetic surgery" Arthur replied simply. After one simple phrase the boys watched Morgana practically roll on the floor with laughter, tears rolling down her cheeks. When she finally managed to compose herself she drew deep breaths and looked at Merlin with respect.

"Merlin, you're a genius! If Arthur will ever be a good doctor, that's exactly the field he'll succeed in." Her smile grew evil when she turned to the blond. "And maybe when you tell the news to your precious father he'll have a heart-attack and I'll be able to drop out!" she finished the sentence with a dreamy glint in her eyes.

Merlin was really sleepy by that time but he smiled amusedly at Morgana's expression.

"Explain to me, why do you both have to study Medicine if you don't really like it?"

"That's Uther's will and I quote 'while you're one of Pendragons you have to obey me, because I pay your bills'. He wants us to follow his steps. We have no other choice." Morgana explained sounding sad and angry at the same time. Then she added with a sudden outburst."But I don't want to be a doctor, I can't even stand the view of blood. Why doesn't he understand that lawyers save people's lives too!" She suddenly felt tired and helpless and laid down on the floor.

The room was suddenly very quiet and he three friends felt desperate, because there was nothing they could possibly do to stand up to Uther.

Merlin was already half asleep and was comfortably lying on the couch, a hand covering his eyes when he muttered so quietly Arthur was not sure if he actually said anything.

"If he's so persistent only because you're one of the Pendragons, why don't you take your mom's last name and do as you wish?"

The living-room was silent once again and then Morgana rose up from the floor and looked at Merlin, her eyes suddenly sober. "Are you serious?"

"Sure, if you want to be a lawyer you shouldn't let him stop you only because of some stupid last name. And if he refuses to pay for your studies, I'm sure you're capable enough to get a scholarship" Merlin didn't even open his eyes and answered quietly yawning in the middle of every phrase.

Arthur watched the whole exchange amused. He saw the determined look on Morgana's face and knew that she would soon be LeFay rather than Pendragon. Then he turned his gaze to Merlin, sprawled on top of the couch hugging one of the pillows and practically asleep. He was the only person who could produce genius ideas drunk and half-asleep.

"Merlin, I love you!" and with that Morgana jumped on the couch, grabbed Merlin and pulled him into the bone-crashing hug. Then she looked at Arthur who was still sitting on the floor by the fire and asked "What are you doing there all alone, silly? Come here for a group hug" and even a startled Merlin managed to smile at him and nod.

So very soon they were sitting on the couch hugging each other tightly, knowing that everything would be just fine.

When the holidays ended the first thing Morgana did was change her last name. The second was to start preparing to apply to Law school.

* * *

Arthur couldn't help but feel satisfied by the fact that when Freya opened the door she looked exhausted and absolutely miserable.

"Arthur? As I thought he went running to you" she tried to sound confident but failed.

"I came to get Merlin's stuff and not talk to you. So be a good girl and let me take what I need if you want to get back to whatever you were doing."

Freya grimaced at his harsh tone but stood aside to let Arthur get what he wanted.

* * *

Merlin woke up from the sound of the car honking outside, he smiled and stretched turning to his side with his eyes still closed. He reached to touch Freya and opened his eyes only when he felt the edge of the bed. His eyes flew open and he suddenly realized where he was and why he was there.

Once again it was hard to breathe and he desperately tried to compose himself. He learned long ago that showing his true emotions never led to anything good. So he slowly went through his morning routine and felt strange doing it all at Arthur's flat. He went to the kitchen and started cooking the breakfast for two, as he assumed his friend was still asleep.

He put an omelet on the stove and was absent-mindedly stirring his tea when he heard the front door lock click open and then Arthur came to the kitchen.

He stopped at the door, leaning against the doorframe smiling at the sight of his friend wearing a pink apron with lots of ribbons cooking breakfast. The apron was a gift from Morgana who thought Arthur would look _splendid_ in pink.

"Good morning sleeping beauty! Merlin, I never knew you looked so good in pink!" he came closer and sniffed the air "Smells delicious, shall we have the breakfast now? 'Cause in a few minutes the hurricane of a woman will be here to take all your troubles away."

Merlin couldn't help but smile

"So you called the artillery? Where have you been? I thought you were still asleep." He took out three dishes and filled two of them with hot food, leaving the last one to wait for Morgana, who had never refused to eat anything Merlin cooked.

"I went to visit Freya and took some of your stuff. I thought you wouldn't want to see her so soon." Arthur hated the way Merlin's eyes once again became sad and pained. He hated himself for reminding and he hated Freya for doing this to his friend.

They started eating in silence, but were saved by Morgana who rushed in a few minutes later, wolfed down her plate of omelet and pull the two men out of the apartment.

* * *

"Morgana, you know we're actually men, right?" That was the first thing Merlin said when he understood how his long-time friend wanted to cheer him up – shopping.

"Whatever you say, darling. Just try this on" she commanded pushing Merlin into the dressing room with a pile of clothes. Arthur was enjoying himself lounging in a comfortable chair, while Merlin was tortured by Morgana, who occupied another dressing room with a few dresses.

When they both emerged looking very appealing Arthur gulped with difficulty. Merlin wore a pair of black slim pants, black T-shirt and unbuttoned dark-blue dress shirt. Morgana was wearing a tight dark-green dress that hugged her like a glove. When they stood together Arthur couldn't take his eyes from them. When his friends noticed his stunned expression, they twirled around, bowed several times and even mimicked dancing a slow dance. At the end of their performance half of the buyers were gaping at them and Merlin and Morgana were laughing happily.

'And that's what truly matters' Arthur thought to himself watching the smile on Merlin's face and feeling the corners of his own lips curling upward.

After visiting several more stores and buying some clothes and shoes both Arthur and Merlin felt exhausted.

"My God, Morgana to do have batteries somewhere? How can you go shopping for so long and not be tired at all?" Merlin asked after they settled around the table to have lunch.

"You're real weaklings. And still you consider yourself to be strong and mighty men." Morgana smirked and made her order. Merlin was once again fascinated by the amount of food the woman could eat without any influence on her slim figure. "And we're going to continue shopping after you gain some of your strength back."

Both men groaned loudly but knew they couldn't deny Morgana of anything, so the rest of the day was spent in shops, boutiques and malls.

* * *

The evening of the same day found Merlin and Morgana at Arthur's flat. Once again they were drinking wine, talking and teasing each other.

"Why don't we do it more often? I mean when the last time we got together like this was?" Morgana was comfortably lying on Arthur's sofa, while he was sitting in the chair, and Merlin lying on the floor.

"Maybe because one of us is a successful layer who's at her office at 7-30 in the morning" Arthur teased and made another gulp.

"Or maybe because one of us has a new date every evening" Merlin shot back at Arthur whose only reaction was a satisfied smirk.

"Well, now that you're free and you have a lot of new clothes you can have a new date every day too, Merlin" Morgana said without thinking, but the moment she saw him freeze with his glass half way to his lips, she cursed herself for being so insensitive.

"Hey, who wants to play 'I've never'?" Arthur suggested the first thing that came to his mind to distract Merlin from his thoughts. "We haven't played for ages!"

Luckily, Merlin quickly overcame his shock and smiled, though it was a sad smile, he still agreed.

"That's true. Let's turn to the irresponsible teenagers we once were and drink ourselves to oblivion, so that we can't remember what we found out about each other today."

"So, I'll start!" Arthur proclaimed, relived to avoid the painful subject of Merlin's ex. "I have never worn women's clothes" He watched amused as Merlin made a gulp after Morgana. He was as surprised as his step-sister and they both looked expectantly at Merlin.

"What are you looking at?" he asked annoyed. "At high school I had to act Eliza in Bernard Show's 'Pygmalion'. My teacher thought I had the perfect accent" When Merlin finished explaining he was red as a beet and both Arthur and Morgana were laughing their heads off.

Now he wanted revenge, so his next phrase was "I have never slept with men." Both step-siblings made a gulp. This time only no one was surprised, as Morgana and Merlin knew that Arthur spent some time in Med school experimenting. He was still occasionally attracted to men, but just as his one-night girlfriends they were nothing more than just a fling.

By the end of the day all three of them were drunk, but happy. Even Merlin seemed relaxed and untroubled, which made Arthur feel even better. He saw Morgana to the door after he called a cab for her and asked her to phone him when she was back at her place. Sometimes his brotherly instincts just kicked in and he felt extremely protective of Morgana.

The strange thing was that he felt protective of Merlin all the time.

Merlin knew that his life would go on even without Freya. Her betrayal still hurt like hell and it was hard to breathe when he thought about her. Still, he knew he wasn't alone and his friends were always there for him. That was what stopped him from crying his eyes out before jumping of the Tower Bridge.

He tossed a little in bed, but very soon all the wine he consumed did its magiс and he fell asleep. He didn't notice the signal on his mobile telling he had a new voicemail.

If he listened to it he would probably never fell asleep that night.

"Hello Merlin, it's Gauis. I know you have a day off, but there's a problem in the hospital. One of your patient's relatives wants to sue you on medical maltreatment. It's serious. The lawyer will be here tomorrow to see you. I wanted to warn you to be ready when you meet him. Don't worry, I'm sure we'll be able to solve this problem."

A/N Here you go. Hope you like cliffhangers as much as I do :D

I wanted to let you know Arthur was bi, but wasn't sure how to do it, so it came out a little awkward. Please tell me what you think about that part.

I'd also like to know your opinion on flashbacks. I really enjoy writing them, but I'm not sure of they're leading the story the wrong way.

Once again – review please, it doesn't really take a lot of time - trust me I've been there :)


	4. Chapter 4 Too sick to pray

A/N Hello again! And thanks for your reviews.

Special thanks go to LadyFromPoland and peanutmeg :) You're both awesome :D

Here's the next chapter and more troubles for Merlin. I know I'm evil *evil genius cackle*

Oh, and don't forget to review! Please?

_**It's a hard life**_

Chapter 4. Too sick to pray

Merlin woke up early next morning only to see he was running late for his shift. It was a long time since he had a good night's sleep, meaning he usually was up till after midnight and woke up before sunrise. He rushed to the shower and stopped at the kitchen only to grab the set of keys Arthur had left for him on the counter together with a note.

"Knew you'd be late. I have an appointment at noon, so be quiet in the morning. A."

Muttering under his breath about selfish prats Merlin hurried out the flat making sure to shut the door with as little noise as possible. After all he could understand the need to sleep, though he made a mental note to call Arthur when he reached the hospital just to make sure his friend woke up early enough to reach the Hospital with a few hours to spare. Too much sleep was never good to anyone.

He grinned to himself and looked through his pockets in search of his iPhone to entertain himself on his bus ride only to find he forgot the device on the bedside table. It was not a rare occurrence for Merlin when he rushed off to his shift, so he simply shrugged it off and concentrated on watching other passengers instead.

He hoped the day wouldn't be too busy. That was the thought that always appeared in his mind before the shift. It wasn't there because he was lazy or didn't like his job; it was just due to the fact that the less work he had meant that more people were safe and not suffering from some kind of an accident. So it sort of became his mantra whenever he went to the hospital – "let there be as little work for me as possible".

Usually he was greeted by Lance or Gaius in the lounge area just next to the A&E operating rooms. If there were no surgeons needed they would talk drinking coffee and then check on their patients who were not transferred to other Departments yet.

Today though Gaius met him at the entrance to their Department. The older surgeon looked troubled and it seemed he had been waiting for Merlin for quite a long time.

"What happened? Something wrong with one of my patients?"

"Didn't you receive my message, Merlin?" if anything the look on Gauis' face became even more concerned.

"No and I also managed to forget my mobile at home. Will you tell me what happened or do you want me to get my phone first to listen to your message?" Merlin tried to sound carefree to lighten the mood, but judging by the other man's face he failed.

"Remember Mark Johnson, the man who died yesterday?" after receiving a nod Gaius continued "One of his relatives decided his death was actually your fault and accused you of medical maltreatment. The lawyer is already here to talk to you." He saw Merlin grow paler with every phrase and by the end of his speech Gaius thought the young surgeon could just collapse.

"What? But I… Gaius, you know I'd never…" Merlin seemed to be at a loss for words and couldn't make up a full sentence. He couldn't fully comprehend the situation – how could anyone accuse him of killing his patient on the operating table?

"Listen, I know it's not your fault and I don't believe their accusations for a moment. But you have to talk to the lawyer and make sure he believes you." Gaius gently took Merlin's arm and led him to the lounge area, where he could see a middle-aged man in an expensive suit.

"Doctor Emrys, I suppose. My name's Aeredian and I'm here to find out what really happened in that operating room" with that he shook Merlin's hand and gestured for the surgeon to sit at the table.

Merlin tried to calm down, but his heart was beating wildly, trying to break free from his ribcage. He had never been good at talking to lawyers or any other men wearing expensive suits for that matter. They always made him feel uncomfortable and raised in him the need to hide or to escape as soon as possible. Today though none of these options was possible.

"I have to go to the OR, Merlin, but I'll be here as soon as I can. And if there's an emergency, be ready to get to the operating room" after that Gaius turned to Aeredian. "Remember you're here only because I was made to allow you to. I'd like to see you out of my Department as soon as you're finished with Merlin."

The lawyer smiled coldly and told the Chief Surgeon "Your patients are waiting, doctor. You should hurry up if you don't want to get an accusation of maltreatment on your own."

It looked like Gaius was about to say something, but he was interrupted by a call through the intercom, so he send Merlin the last glance and left him alone with Aeredian.

The young man shifted on his chair feeling exposed under the steady look of the lawyer who watched his silently. Aeredian wasn't moving, not even blinking, the gaze of his steely eyes locked on his victim. Finally after several minutes he leaned forward and asked Merlin

"Why did you kill Mr. Johnson?"

"What?" the surgeon felt like he was punched in the face. "I don't know who told you that, but I'm a doctor and I would never hurt any of my patients on purpose."

"Does that mean you could hurt one of them on accident?"

"No! Well, maybe… But that's not the point! I didn't hurt Mr. Johnson, he just came in too late for me to be able to save him." This was another reason why Merlin hated lawyers, all of them except Morgana. They could ask you tricky questions and then twist your answers so that they satisfied lawyer's needs. And Merlin wasn't good at this kind of talk, he was an honest man, not used to fighting manipulators and their tricks.

"That's what you say, doctor. But I've heard other opinions. And our witnesses say you made a grave mistake during the operation, which lead to extreme blood loss which was a reason of Mr. Johnson's death."

"Witnesses? But there were only two nurses, Dr. Lot and me in the OR during the operation. And I doubt any of them saw the mistake I made, because I actually made none." Merlin tried to sound confident, but on the inside his mind was once again going through the operation, trying to make sure he didn't do anything that could cause the blood loss.

"Apparently you did, as both of the nurses are ready to testify they saw you damage one of the patient's arteries. I didn't have a chance to talk to Dr. Lot, but as soon as I do, I'll have every proof I need to make you pay for what you did."

"I don't believe you!"Merlin could no longer control his anger. He rose from his chair, his hand clenched in fists by his sides. "I won't allow you to threaten me and suggest I made a mistake that killed one of my patients. Your witnesses must be mistaken…"

"You can believe in whatever you want, but trust me, very soon you'll be out of this Hospital and won't be able to hurt anybody else." Aeredian wanted to add something, but his voice was covered by the call on the intercom, which announced that Merlin was needed in the third OR.

The surgeon didn't even listen to the end of the message before he turned on his heel and walked out of the lounge area without sparing the lawyer as much as another glance.

* * *

The shift was a rough one and Merlin had to regret once again that his silent morning pray was left without attention.

He worked on the two victims of the car crash and also on a small girl, who suffered in a fire. His heart squeezed tight when he saw the small body on the table covered with severe burns. She was not older than six, yet she would have to carry the scars during all her life. Merlin closed his eyes tight before sighing and getting down to work. He made sure to make the stitching as accurate as possible to cause less scarring.

He worked alone, as Lance had a day off, but he was assisted by the same nurses who helped him during Johnson's operation. So after the last stitch was made he left the OR and waited for the two women to come out after the girl was taken to her room.

"So, ladies, could you please tell me what mistake I made during the operation the other day? You know the one which caused Mark Johnson to die." He tried to sound nonchalant, but he was really nervous. He was sure he did everything right, but at the same time he knew these girls pretty well and he was sure they wouldn't lie about something like medical maltreatment.

Jane and Sarah exchanged glances and then looked back at him looking a little guilty. This made Merlin's heart drop.

"We're sorry, Dr. Emrys, but we saw what we saw. Both of us respect you, but we can't hide the facts when it comes to our patients' lives." Merlin's mind was in stupor. He didn't notice the glances nurses exchanged again, he didn't notice how Jane wanted to add something, but Sarah stopped her, he didn't notice how both of them avoided looking him in the eye.

His only thought was 'I killed a man.' It ringed in his ears and was written in bloody letters wherever he looked. Suddenly he felt suffocating in the Hospital, he needed to get out of there soon. Luckily his shift was over.

He couldn't remember how he got changed from his scrubs, how he left the Hospital building or how he ended up at the closest bar ordering double whiskey.

It was already late in the evening, as the last operation lasted several hours, but Merlin didn't notice other customers in the crowded bar, he sat at the far end of the bar stand, looking into his glass.

His thoughts were trapped in a vicious circle, which was threatening to drive him insane in a record time. He knew he couldn't damage the artery during the operation without noticing it, but he obviously did, as there were two witnesses who claimed he was guilty. Every time he remembered Mark Johnson's face, his fingers tightened around the glass. The guilt was weighting him down, drowning him in anger and disgust turned on himself, and he wasn't sure he could live with such a weight.

He always wanted to become a doctor to save people's lives, to make their families happy once again when they heard their relatives would be safe. And now he had made a mistake that cost the man his life. What if he had little children? What would happen to them or to his wife? All these questions made Merlin slump further, so now he looked like a drunk, even though he hadn't even sipped his whiskey.

* * *

Arthur was getting nervous.

He knew Merlin could stay in the Hospital later if he had a complicated operation. But his shift finished two hours ago and he still wasn't at home. Arthur tried to call his friend but after he dialed the number he heard a phone ringing in his guest bedroom and when he followed the sound, he found Merlin's phone resting on the bedside table.

"Great, the idiot forgot his phone at home." He mumbled to himself, nervousness filling him once again. His next option was to call Gaius. Arthur knew the Chief Surgeon of A&E and he knew how much the man cared for Merlin.

"Hello." Arthur heard the tired voice on the other end of the line.

"Hello Gaius. It's Arthur. Sorry to bother you so late in the evening, but do you happen to know where Merlin is?"

"I don't know, why? Did you try calling Freya?"

"They broke up two nights ago and now he's staying with me, but he's not at home yet and he forgot his mobile. So I was wondering whether he had a difficult operation and had to stay in the Hospital."

"Oh my. Poor Merlin, so many troubles at once!" Gaius sounded sad and worried. "But I'm sure I was the last one to leave the A&E tonight, so Merlin must have left earlier."

"Right, he must be on his way then." Arthur tried to sound reassuring. "Wait, what you meant by 'so many troubles'?"

"Merlin was accused of medical maltreatment and he talked to the lawyer today. I haven't seen him after the talk, but he must be very upset."

"Medical maltreatment? Merlin? They must be mad!" Arthur was furious. He knew exactly how much his friend valued human life and he was 100% sure Merlin was innocent. "Listen, Gaius, I'll go out and try to find him now. I'm afraid he can do something stupid."

"Keep me in touch" he paused and then added. "Take care of him, Arthur. He needs you right now."

"I'll do my best, I promise."

"Good luck, Arthur." And with that Gaius hung up and left Arthur deep in thought.

He could imagine what Merlin felt right now. Surgery was his life and he was the most hard-working student Arthur knew during their Med school years. Merlin was always paying attention at classes and his grades were all As or even A-pluses. But Merlin was never studying for grades, his only aim was to become as good as possible in surgery and help people.

And now he was accused of killing his patient.

Arthur needed to see him right now, to make sure his friend hadn't done anything stupid. So he got into his car and went towards the Hospital. He hoped to see Merlin sitting on the bench somewhere along the way, but when he didn't, he decided to search the bars that were the closest to the Hospital. And when he found his friend in the second bar, he thanked his luck.

His friend looked totally drunk sitting slumped his head almost touching the surface of the bar stand. Arthur motioned the bar tender to come close.

"Why didn't you stop him?" He whispered angrily waving a hand in Merlin's direction. "Can't you see he's miserable enough without a drink? How many did he have?" The bar tender looked surprised at first, but then his face turned offended.

"Of course I'd stop him when he had enough, but that's his first glass and he barely even touched it since he came several hours ago." The man glanced back at Merlin sympathetically. "Looks like a nice guy, and I wonder what happened to him."

"He is a nice guy, and a lot of shit happened to him."

"Then you go talk to him. Maybe you'll have more luck then I had." And with that the bar tender turned to serve the few customers which were still in the bar.

Merlin was nursing a glass of what looked like whiskey staring blankly into space. He didn't even notice Arthur, until the later put a hand on his shoulder.

"Merlin, what are you doing here?" Merlin jumped in his seat and turned to look at Arthur and then quickly turned away.

"Drowning my sorrows, why?"

"Listen, do you honestly believe they'll be able to prove you made a mistake you didn't make?"

Merlin stared at him for a long moment and Arthur was taken aback by the look in his friend's eyes. They looked empty, like his was stripped off his soul and only the hollow shell of Merlin remained.

"It'd be much easier to think I did everything right if not for the two nurses who witnessed my mistake."

"Merlin…" Arthur couldn't believe it. It just wasn't right. Sure Merlin was clumsy and had his head up in the sky, but in the OR he turned into another person, which sometimes scared people who worked with him for the first time.

"I still can't believe I did it!" Merlin suddenly exclaimed. "Arthur, I took a man's life with my scalpel, how can I be ever called a doctor again? How can I ever set foot in the operating room?"

"Merlin, don't say that. We can't know anything for sure." The blond surgeon tried to sound confident, but his voice sounded weak even for his own ears.

"I can and I do." Merlin said in an even tone, which was laced with so much pain, Arthur winced. "I've made up my mind. Tomorrow I'll leave my position in the General hospital and I'll never take hold of scalpel again."


	5. Chapter 5 Then the morning comes

A/N: So, I've been reading O'Henry's short stories. God, I wish I could write like he did!

Now, moving on to the next chapter.

I know the story is turning just a little anguish (speaking of understatements), so I decided to make a turn for the better, though don't get too excited :D

Thanks everyone who reviewed the previous chapter, I enjoy reading your opinions so much :)

Don't break the tradition and review this one too *wink wink*

_**It's a hard life**_

Chapter 5. Then the morning comes

Arthur managed to get Merlin to leave the pub without even drinking his whiskey. They reached Arthur's apartment in silence – Merlin was too engrossed in his own misery to notice anything around himself and Arthur had no idea how to make things look brighter.

The blond knew he couldn't make Merlin go to sleep in such a state – he wouldn't fall asleep anyway and drinking wasn't an option, as both them had to be at the Hospital the next day. He ran out of ideas.

That's when he considered what Gwen, Lance or Morgana would do to make Merlin feel better. He had already witnessed Morgana's methods and he had no wish to go shopping and it was also already late to do so. And even if they went shopping he doubted he could make his friend cheer up like his stepsister did. Scratch Morgana.

Lance was far too noble to suggest drinking or punching someone to blow off Merlin's steam, so he would probably just clap his shoulder and advise Merlin to be calm and wait for judge's decision. Forget about Lance.

That left him with last option and he hoped Gwen's methods would help Merlin. So the moment they came to his flat, Arthur pulled his friend to the kitchen, set the kettle on the stove, brewed some tea and pulled out all the sweets he had in his apartment. He wanted to pull ice-cream front the refrigerator, but thought it was a little too girly, so Arthur decided to keep it as plan B.

When he put the steaming mug in front of Merlin, it took his friend a few minutes to come to his senses and actually see the cup, though he was looking directly at it all the while. Merlin studied the cup a little, and then took it into his hands, wrapping fingers around hot ceramics. It burnt his fingers, but he wouldn't set it down, glad to get back at least some of his senses. After he came up with the decision to give up surgery he felt _nothing_, like he was on tranquilizers, so now he greeted the warmth in his hands, hoping it would reach his heart someday.

Soon it occurred to Merlin that mugs filled with tea don't just appear out of nowhere, so he lifted his gaze to see Arthur's kitchen covered with sweets like there was an explosion on the nearby confectioner's shop he also saw Arthur struggling to open Snickers bar wrapping and failing spectacularly. It was such a strange view to see Arthur like that: concentrated, like he was in the middle of the surgery, determined to get what he wanted and a little exasperated, because he failed to _actually_ get what he wanted yet.

It was truly a sight to behold. And somewhere in-between the first and the second minutes of watching Arthur's struggle, Merlin felt the corners his lips twitch upwards. And very soon he couldn't help but let out a little snort, followed by a laugh. Maybe it sounded a little hoarse and hysterical, but Merlin didn't actually care.

There was one thing he suddenly understood. No matter how much troubles appear on his way or how much of his life lay in ruins, he had a few _constants_ in his life. And one of them, probably the most important one, was standing right in front of him looking surprised and relieved at the same time. He knew he couldn't keep him forever, but for now Merlin was glad to have Arthur by his side.

To say Arthur was surprised was a severe understatement. It physically pained him to see Merlin like that - crushed and hollow, so when he heard his laugh, Arthur's head shot up, eyes wide and not believing. There, in his kitchen, sat his best friend who looked pale and totally worn out, but nonetheless laughing. The sound spread though the kitchen, reflecting from the fridge and cupboards bathing Arthur with its cheerfulness and warmth.

"What's so funny?" Arthur finally asked amusedly watching Merlin wipe away tears of joy from his flustered face.

"The look on your face when you were trying to open the candy was just priceless" Merlin replied smiling "I wish I had a camera, so I could make a shot and then blackmail you into doing anything I want"

When Arthur heard such a 'Merlin' reply he knew his friend was on his way to recovery from the depression caused by the troubles that seemed to worm their way into his life. He was a little surprised to see Merlin get better so quickly, but as long as Merlin was happy that was all that truly mattered.

Arthur couldn't even remember when exactly he began to care for Merlin so much. Maybe it was when his friend helped him find his way in surgery, or one of those times he helped him to calm down after the meeting with Uther. It didn't really matter anymore. For now all he wanted to do is keep Merlin the way he usually was – cheery and happy-go-lucky. So all he had to do now was to come up with a witty retort.

"Merlin you know that if you want me to make one of your secret fantasies come true, all you have to do is ask, right?" he wiggled his eyebrows suggestively and winked at Merlin, who laughed so hard he almost fell off the chair.

When he finally could speak he said "I've always know you thought using southern parts of your body, but my idea was that you actually used your arse for it. Now I owe Morgana ten pounds."

"Did you actually bet on that?"

"Yeah, we also tried to persuade Gwen and Lance to join the bet, but Gwen's just too kind and Lance's too knightly."

"That I believe. Only people like you and Morgana can make such a bet. Others are just sane." Arthur teased.

"Well you know what they say: the one who lives with cripples learns to limp. So, actually it's just your bad influence".

The rest of the night they spent teasing and bickering, joking and talking of nothing, like only people who know each other so well they don't even need a topic for a talk can do.

* * *

Next morning Arthur woke up before Merlin to make a call and compose his thoughts about Merlin's accusations.

He didn't believe for a second that Merlin would make a mistake without noticing it, or that Lance would allow him to make it. So the only problem was to make that mysterious relative believe it. He had to prove that either nurses were wrong or they were lying. And he had a perfect idea of a person who could do it professionally. So he called Morgana before eight in the morning for the second time that week.

"Morgana LeFay"

"Hey Morgs! Have plans for today?"

"Oh God, not you again!" Morgana groaned, but Arthur could still hear manicured fingers hitting the keys on her laptop so hard as if she imagined his face drawn on every one of them.

"Listen, I need you as a lawyer today. Do you think you can find an hour or two in your schedule?" Arthur heard shuffling in Merlin's room and knew that his friend would soon join him, so he had to convince his step-lawyer quickly.

"Why? Did one of your sluts got knocked up and claims the baby's yours?"

"Why do all my friends think I'm a man-whore?" Arthur muttered mostly to himself."Anyway, It's _Merlin_ who needs a lawyer. He was accused of medical maltreatment and he almost believes in it himself"

There was a short silence and even Morgana's fingers stopped their furious tap-dance on the keyboard. Then she said "I'll be at the Hospital at 9" and hung up.

After putting the phone down, Arthur started cooking breakfast. He wasn't a great chef, but he could manage to make coffee and some toast.

He was waiting for the machine to do its job when his mind drifted back to the previous night. He was glad his friend felt better, but he couldn't go to bed until he knew exactly what was going on in Merlin's head. So he decided the sooner he asked the question that was troubling him, the sooner he'd get the peace of his mind back.

"Hey, tell me, are you still going to leave surgery?" He regretted asking the moment he saw Merlin's eyes loose their bright light again. The young surgeon looked down for a moment, biting his lip, but then he turned his head up and met Arthur's eyes.

"No. Not until I find out what exactly happened in that operating room. And if the court says I'm guilty, I'll leave surgery forever." His voice was calm and quiet and with a little hint of sadness, but otherwise Merlin sounded confident. He had made up his mind and nothing would make him change the decision.

Arthur was leaning against the kitchen counter when two hot golden toasts jumped out of the toaster startling him and almost making him jump. And of course Merlin chose the exact same moment to enter the kitchen to see Arthur's little acrobatic trick.

"Never used the toaster before?" He asked grinning widely, his eyes twinkling with mischief. "Remember, when the bread is ready, the toasts jump out, so that you could pick them up."Merlin continued with the tone of a mother explaining the most obvious things to her child.

"Very funny, Merlin. If you're so clever, I think you don't need to actually eat the toast. So I think I'll eat _both_ of them _myself_."He turned to the table but then looked at his friend's happy face once again and sighed. "Though you're already thin enough for me to starve you further. I think that soon enough you'll become transparent."

After that they settled into amiable silence, eating said toasts, drinking coffee and fighting over morning newspaper. Everything seemed so natural that Arthur almost forgot they weren't at Med School anymore and Merlin was staying with him not because he waned to, but because he had no other options. Suddenly the blond felt sad and lonely, and he hoped Merlin would stay with him as long as possible, because with his lanky form somewhere nearby Arthur always felt like at home.

* * *

The A&E Department met them with empty halls and wandering nurses, it looked like it was going to be a quiet day.

Morgana was waiting for them near the entrance and quickly asked a few questions, frowning after she heard who the other lawyer was.

"He's a cold bastard, but he's very successful" she commented. "But don't worry Merlin, I won't let him manipulate you or anyone else in this case." She sounded confident and both men had to agree that Law suited her much better than Medicine. She also chose to ignore Merlin's claims that he couldn't afford her services as a lawyer and didn't want to interrupt her work schedule.

After that Arthur understood that he'd be late for his operation if he didn't leave that instance.

He touched Merlin's shoulder to make him stop. Arthur waited till his friend turned around and looked directly at him.

"Remember that you promised not to make any harsh decisions, okay?" He squeezed Merlin's shoulder for a while and added after receiving a serious nod "Good luck".

Morgana, who was texting furiously on her mobile and listening to their conversation, said absent-mindedly "Merlin doesn't need luck, he has me." And after finishing to text, she grabbed the surgeon's arm and tugged him towards the lounge area.

"I didn't see Merlin make any mistake during that operation!" Lance, who was always so calm and composed, now looked furious, his eyes were shining with promises of painful death and his voice rang through the lounge area, which turned eerily quiet after his outburst.

"Do you say so only because you're Mr. Emrys' _friend_?" Aredian looked like it was a common occurrence for him to be shouted at by witnesses.

"First of all, he's a _Doctor_ and you should call him that." Lance tried to calm down, though it was quite difficult for him to speak calmly when one of his closest friends was accused of a crime he could never commit. "And second of all, I'm a _Doctor_ too, so he patient's life is my first priority."

"Then why are these two nurses say they saw Dr. Emrys make a mistake?"

"I don't now. What I do know though is that they don't have a M.D. certificate hanging at home, like I or Dr. Emrys do." Lance hated treating nurses like that, after all his beloved Gwen was one of them and he greatly respected their work. But there was only one way to make his point clear to this bastard of a lawyer.

"Well, let me ask you another question then. You said you hadn't seen Dr. Emrys make any mistake during _that_ operation. Does it mean you've seen him make surgical mistakes during other operations?"

Lance was about to tell this man what exactly he thought of him, but Morgana beat him to it. She put on her best professional smile and told Aredian

"I believe you're not supposed to investigate any operations Dr. Emrys performed, so keep to the topic, Mr. Aredian. And if you don't have any further questions concerning _this_ case I believe you should let these people do their job and save people's lives."

It looked like the lawyer had a lot more questions, but he didn't see any way to get the answers he needed to put Emrys to jail, so he would retreat for now.

"Very well then, I'll report to my client and I believe we have enough evidence to sue _Mr_. Emrys. See you in court, _sweetheart_." He addressed Morgana in sickeningly sweet voice and very soon left the Hospital.

The room was quiet and the nurses felt utterly uncomfortable under Morgana's heavy gaze.

"Merlin, Lance, would you please leave us _girls_ to have our girl-talk?" her voice sent shivers down Merlin's spine and he felt almost sympathetic to poor nurses.

Morgana could be scary.

So when he and Lance were sent out of the lounge area they shared a knowing look and agreed it was safer to take a walk to Hospital cafeteria to get some coffee.

"Can you imagine her being a doctor? I bet all patients would get better in record time just to leave her _tender_ _care_." Merlin joked when they finally settled down at a far table with two cups of a strange brownish substance local cooks claimed to be coffee.

"And if she was a surgeon they wouldn't want anesthesia just to make sure she didn't cut anything useful." Lance agreed enthusiastically.

"Luckily lawyers and doctors need different character qualities. And I'm glad she enjoys her work so much, just as we do." Merlin's smile turned a little sad. "I don't know what I'll do if the court says I'm guilty."

"Don't even think about it. Merlin, I was there and I saw nothing, so don't blame yourself… and believe in Morgana. She'll turn Aredian _inside out_ in the courtroom to prove you're innocent."

"Thanks, Lance."

They spent the rest of their improvised coffee break in silence watching other doctors and nurses eating lunch or talking to their patients' relatives.

* * *

Arthur was waiting for him outside the Emergency Department.

"So how did it go? I called Morgana, but she claimed being busy and hung up on me."

"Well, you know Morgana. She scared the hell out of Jane and Sarah, mocked Aredian and fought him like a lioness protecting her child." Merlin smiled at his friend. It felt oddly nice to have someone wait for him after the shift, to drive him home and actually be interested in his troubles. He was really tired of walking home alone, accompanied only by the echoing sounds of Emergencies ringing in his ears and muggers who pitied him enough not to try and rob him.

"If she's a lioness than you're her child?" Arthur sounded amused. "God, and you say I have perverted fantasies!" He exclaimed loud enough for people to start looking at them. So all Merlin could do was to hold his head low and hurry towards the parking lot.

When they finally reached Arthur's flat both doctors were far too tired to even think about cooking, so after a short fight, they settled on ordering pizza.

Merlin set out the table and opened the bottle of wine while Arthur took shower and changed. Then he paid for their pizza and set it in the middle of the table. He was pouring wine to his own glass when Arthur returned to the kitchen.

"Drinking alone, are you? Don't you know it's bad for your health to drink without a good company?"

"Living with you is going to turn me into alcoholic then" Merlin answered without a moment's hesitation, pouring the second glass for his friend.

"Likewise, Merlin, likewise. »

Their dinner talk was as foolish and easy as that and the serious matters came back only after the last piece of pizza was eaten and an empty bottle found its way to the garbage.

"I bet I'm ruining your social life" Merlin mused swirling the red wine in the tall glass and watching it twirl for a few seconds before focusing his eyes on Arthur. The look in the bright blue eyes told Arthur that Merlin was serious and expected an honest answer.

"Do you really think I'd give you up for some random girl who would entertain me at night and leave the next morning?" Merlin continued to look him in the eye almost without blinking. "Merlin, for God's sake, we know each other for like eight or nine years. You're my best friend and you're one of the most important people in my life, how could I leave you without help when you need it?" At the end of his little speech Arthur felt his cheeks grow warm with blush, but it was all worth it when Merlin's face lit up with a warm smile.

"Thanks. You know I'd do the same for you, right?" Merlin's voice was soft.

"I know." The silence stretched and the only sound heard in the apartment was the ticking of the living room clock.

Arthur felt entranced by Merlin's eyes, he could almost see himself reflecting in their shiny surface. But soon he grew a little uncomfortable with all those thoughts about Merlin, which filled his head recently. That's why he was first to break silence.

"So, did you get to see the mysterious relative, who's trying to sue you?" Merlin was roughly pulled back to reality by Arthur's question. He felt his heart stutter a little when he focused on answering instead of staring at Arthur.

"No, and I don't even know his or her name. I know nothing about them."


	6. Chapter 6 Play with fire

A/N: Thanks for your kind reviews, they made me grin like a fool all day long. I'm afraid some of my friends are beginning to suspect something's wrong with me :D

Anyway, this chapter is very short and dark (at least it was intended to be dark – let me know if I succeeded). I was thinking of it from the very beginning of the story, but couldn't decide where to put it.

I hope it'll give you some perspective of where I'm going to take this story :)

Enjoy and review, please!

_**It's a hard life**_

Chapter 6. Play with fire

The cigarette smoke was flying towards the high ceiling, swirling on its way and creating strange patterns in the thin air in a short-lived dance. The ceiling was so high none of the smoke clouds could even dream of reaching it, so their lives ended on half-way, dissipating and mixing with fresh air.

The room was dark and quiet, the only source of light – a small lamp that sat on the large antique desk and created a narrow circle of warm yellow light illuminating the shiny surface of the table and the only thing that was lying on it.

A simple sheet of standard white paper, the likes of which you could find in any office filled with contracts' details. This sheet however had one significant difference from those papers – it was half-printed, half hand-written and some of the lines were crossed. Any businessman would kill his assistant for such disrespect towards documents.

The paper didn't even have a title, as though the person who made it didn't need to be reminded what kind of a list it was, or maybe said person didn't want others to know what exactly the list meant.

To any of the passers-by it would be a simple collection of not-related words and phrases. It looked like someone was writing down random thoughts and then, halfway through the list decided it was a bad idea.

That would explain why some of the lines were crossed.

The first one read 'Freya' – a rare name, the one form Scandinavian mythology.

You could guess that someone was looking for a name for a child or a pet. The name was crossed with a straight red line. It was so perfect you could think the person, who draw it was using a ruler and was one of those perfectionist freaks. But one look at the next line would change your mind significantly.

The one word was crossed with the same immaculate red line, which was later crossed with a sine line.

The word seemed to be crossed out of the list, but then had to reappear in it again. The wavy line seemed to grow deeper into the thin sheet, almost cutting through it.

The person, who drew it was in fury.

The line read 'Hospital'.

The rest part of the sheet disappeared outside the small circle of light making it hard to read the rest of the list.

You could say there were two more lines printed and untouched by red paste. Several more positions were written in a sharp angular hand-writing.

The darkness swallowed letters protecting the privacy of the writer.

Another cloud of smoke was directed at the paper lying on the table.

One hand reached out and pushed the button on the lamp, turning it off and filling the whole room with darkness.

The last things reflected in the shiny surface of the table before all the light disappeared were an evil smile of blood-red lips and an elegant hand holing the cigarette.


	7. Chapter 7 Rocking round Christmas tree

A/N: I'm terribly sorry for such a delay in updates , I've been terribly busy

I hope this chapter is worth your waiting :)

Hope you'll enjoy! And if you do, please review :)

_**It's a hard life**_

Chapter 7. Rocking round the Christmas tree

It was two weeks before Christmas when Merlin started living with Arthur, two weeks before Christmas and he had no girlfriend, no home and he could lose his favorite job at the Hospital any moment because of the mistake he hadn't made.

So what could have made his life more miserable?

Maybe the fact that it was the first year in maybe a decade when he was actually free on Christmas. He had planned to spend it with Freya, to organize a romantic dinner for her, he had even bought her a present. Now he had no idea what to do about a beautiful snowflake-pendant of white gold. Merlin was sure it would suit his girlfriend perfectly and couldn't think of giving it to any of his female friends.

Right now he was exhausted after a long 12-hour shift in the OR and all he could do when he came home was kick off his shoes, trudge to the living-room and fall limply on the couch. Merlin didn't even have enough energy to shrug off his coat, so he simply lay there trying to recall if he had had lunch or it was just a figment of his imagination.

After a few moments of though he decided that dinner would be nice, but even the mere thought of getting up was making him more tired. And going to sleep right there and then sounded like such a great idea.

He couldn't tell if he drifted off to sleep or was simply too deep in thought, so when he heard the front door open he suddenly understood that Arthur hadn't been at home when he came back after the shift. Merlin was glad his friend was back, that meant together they could find enough strength to cook something edible or order take-out.

His thoughts took opposite direction when he understood that Arthur was, in fact, with a woman, and the rustling of their clothes and hushed murmurs made him feel rather uncomfortable. He still had a small chance to escape to his own room before he was noticed, because he hadn't turned on the lights when he came in, so the whole apartment was still dark.

However he didn't have a chance to put his ideas into action, as two figures entered the living-room and nearly crashed on top of Merlin. The mix of 'what the hell is that?' from Arthur and 'ow, your couch is very stiff!' made him want to disappear. But as it was his wishes seemed to be lost on their way to his fairy-god mother far too often as of late, so he could only blink quickly and look dumbly at Arthur who turned on the lights.

"Arthur, call the police! There's some homo robber on your couch!" Merlin could see the blond-haired woman now. She was very 'Arthur'. And her voice made Merlin's headache come back full force.

"Merlin, what the hell are you doing here? I thought you were already asleep!" Arthur was angry, but it seemed to be directed at the blond woman, not at Merlin. "Vivian, that's my friend – Merlin. He lives with me now."

"So, I was right – he's just another homeless idiot." Merlin thought that her name suited her perfectly – it was all princess-ly and covered with sugar. Her manners however, were not.

"Nice to meet you too, Vivian" he said sarcastically. "I'm sorry to have ruined your evening, I'll retreat to my room now." Merlin was trying to get up without swaying, but had to sit back n the couch when he felt the room swaying, like it was a boat, not a building on a solid ground.

Arthur was watching him struggle silently and then turned his gaze towards Vivian, who looked at Merlin with something between disgust and contempt.

And that did it.

There were two people right in front of him – his best friend for God knows how many years, a

talented surgeon who decided to devote his life o saving people's life, and Vivian – his one-night stand that came back from time to time in a fruitless attempt to become his girlfriend.

"Vivian, I'm afraid you have to leave now" he said in a steady and low voice. He watched amused at their similar gestures – they both turned their heads up and looked at him stunned. They even started talking at once, like they were practicing it for a long time.

"What? Arthur, you must be kidding! You're going to throw me away because of some tramp?"

"Arthur, you don't have to, I'll just go to my room and won't interrupt your evening. I really don't want to ruin your social life."

Arthur waited patiently till they were both finished and announced his decision.

"Now listen to me. Vivian – you should get out of here soon or I could really think over my principles of not hitting women. And you" he turned to Merlin "sit there and stay out of this."

After that he grabbed Vivian's hand and nearly dragged her out of his flat, closing the door right into her face. He could still hear her angry cries when he reached the living room and stood in front of Merlin. His tired friend was now leaning against the back of the couch, his eyes closed. It was only now that Arthur noticed he didn't even take off his winter coat.

"You shouldn't have done that." Merlin's quiet voice seemed disappointed and sad.

"We've already had this talk, and besides I never really like her." Arthur came closer and sat next to Merlin, mirroring his friend's posture and closing his eyes.

"Do I really look like a homeless beggar? She seemed to be sure about the fact I was totally not worth your attention" Merlin's voice was concerned, but it also held a hint of amusement and sarcasm.

"You look like a homeless beggar in your best days and today you look more like a half-dead homo idiot who didn't have anything to eat in the last century." Arthur joked and was satisfied to hear Merlin's soft laughter. "Seriously, have you been eating lately? It looks like you've become even thinner that you were since you moved in with me."

"Don't talk about food with me, I haven't had lunch today and I feel I like could eat you right now." Merlin opened right eye to look at Arthur without turning his head.

"I've always known you had great taste, but never thought you wanted to eat me. Which part do you think would taste the best?" Arthur wiggled his eyebrows and laughed then he got up from the couch. "Come on, let's see if there's anything edible in the fridge and put it into your stomach before you start disappearing into thin air." He gave Merlin his hand and lifted him without effort, helping him on their way to the kitchen and hanging Merlin's coat in the hallway.

"When did you come home today? You look like you were in the OR for at least ten hours." Arthur asked as he looked skeptically at the contents of the fridge and searched for the phone to order pizza.

"Twelve actually, so I came back not long before you and your blondie got here and sat right on top of me."

"Hey, not all blond people are dumb, you know. It's discrimination." Arthur glared and waved a fork right in front of Merlin's face.

"If you don't take that fork away from my nose, I'm afraid you'll have to make me a new one." Merlin folded his hands on top of the kitchen table and put his head on them, he was far too tired to stay upright.

Arthur chuckled lightly, messed Merlin's hair, which earned him an annoyed noise and dialed the number of his favorite pizza-place.

"Hey, don't you dare fall asleep right here, pizza will be here in 20 minutes, so talk to me" Arthur demanded after hanging up.

"I don't have a concussion, you know. Or do you even know what the concussion is? Do they teach such notions at Cosmetic Surgery department of Med School?" Dark-haired surgeon refused to open his eyes which didn't prevent him from throwing casual sarcastic remarks at his friend.

"I wish there was anything in that thick scull of yours that could really be concussed" Arthur sighed dramatically. "Anyway, do you have any plans for Christmas?"

"I did. But now I'm thinking to exchange my shifts with someone. Maybe there's one of our surgeons who actually _has_ somebody to spend holidays with." Merlin's tone took Arthur aback. He knew Merlin was worried and sad about everything that happened to him, but he always tried to put up the brave front not to make anyone worry. This time, though it seemed like Merlin was too exhausted both physically and emotionally to act, so Arthur had a rare chance to actually see how his friend truly felt.

And he didn't like it one bit.

Arthur never wished to hear his friend's voice so tired and hollow, like there was nothing worth living for anymore, like he didn't care what happened next. And Arthur cursed himself silently for believing Merlin was fine just because he was joking and smiling as usual.

"Hey, what about me?" he tried not to let Merlin know what exactly raced through his mind and put up cheery voice.

"You'll call Vivian or one of the nurses or all of them together and you'll have the flat all to yourself."

"I really don't know where all those rumors come from, but I hope you don't actually believe I'd do that" Arthur smiled crookedly, though Merlin's eyes were still closed. He went around the table and sat opposite from his friend. Then Arthur put his hand on Merlin's arm and asked quietly "Look at me, Merlin"

He saw the dark head turning and now Merlin's chin was resting on his hands, and his eyes were on Arthur's.

"I know you feel down, but you still have me, and Morgana, and Gwen, and Lance. Hell, there are lots of people who love you!" Arthur saw his friend smile a little, his eyes warming up and some of their spark returning. "And don't you dare exchange your shift with anyone. For all I know you were at work on Christmas for at least five years, and I think it's time to restore our tradition."

"What tradition?" Now Merlin was confused. "Did we have one? Or was it just your imagination?"

"Of course we had! Remember our first Christmas when you gave Morgana the idea to change her last name? And a few after that, which we spent together, just the three of us?" And that's when they both heard the doorbell ring. Arthur took his wallet and went out, turning around at the threshold. "Just think about it and when I'm back I want to receive your positive answer"

Merlin smiled once more and closed his eyes again. He could easily imagine their first Christmas together, than life was easy and joyful, and now he was in the middle of the string of bad luck. So maybe, if he tried to have some fun and rest with his friends, everything would seem better. _Talk about positive thinking. _Merlin smirked and made up his mind. So when Arthur came back with a hot pizza box in his hands, he received his positive answer, as well as a Merlin's vicious attack on the last slice of Italian pizza.

* * *

After that time seemed to speed up, as Merlin was too busy at work and too tired at home to think about his misfortunes or the impending trial that would decide his future. It took him some effort to think about the presents he had to buy everyone.

After a little argument with Morgana Arthur informed Merlin there would be two more guests at their 'Christmas party' – Gwen and Lance. Though cosmetic surgeon seemed to be reluctant about ruining their tradition, he knew it was useless to argue with his lawyer sister, and Merlin was simply happy to know that he'd be surrounded by close friends.

There was another incident that brought Merlin's spirit up.

Their 'traditional' party always had a Christmas tree, and traditionally they couldn't agree on whether they'd install artificial or real tree.

"I don't understand why we have to argue on this every time!" Morgana was almost screaming and her pale face was flushed with anger.

"Because I don't want to put a real insect-infested tree in my living-room!" Arthur was actually yelling right at his sister's face and his hand were clenched into fists. "Besides, Merlin supports me!"

"He doesn't support you! He just has this stupid idea that Christmas trees should grow in woods and not be cut down."

"Hey, it's not stupid! Have you not herd about the global warming?" Merlin who was sitting quietly till this moment was getting angry with their childish fights and he felt like his nearly constant headache was becoming stronger. So he decided he'd had enough of them both. He got up, put on his coat and went towards the front door.

"Where do you think you're going? We haven't made a decision yet!" he heard both siblings cry out simultaneously.

"I'm tired of your childish rows, so I'm going t leave you two to enjoy each others company." He looked from one flushed face to another. "And I'll support any decision you'll make." And then with a soft click of the door he was gone.

He was not too far away from the door to hear their simultaneous cries "That's you fault!"

_Sometimes they're really alike. Maybe I should get them similar t-shirts saying 'I'm with stupid'?_Merlin smirked pushing the elevator button and decided it was the right time to go present-hunting.

* * *

It wasn't really surprising that Morgana won the argument. She had simply stolen Merlin's keys and hired some men to install the real Christmas tree while both Arthur and Merlin were out. And of course, Arthur thought it was all Merlin's fault.

Luckily they could never hold a grudge against each other, so when Christmas Eve came around the atmosphere at their shared apartment was truly festive. There were garlands hanging o every possible object – all thanks to Merlin's efforts and the coffee table in the living-room was filled with bottles of different alcoholic drinks of Arthur's choice.

Merlin was fussing around the kitchen, glancing at the oven from time to time to check the turkey, and putting together some snacks. Arthur was fiddling with stereo, trying to find Christmas songs in his vast disk collection. When he finally put on the right disk and the apartment was filled with the first notes of 'Rocking round the Christmas tree', Arthur strolled into the kitchen to remind Merlin it was time to change and get ready to greet their friends. He was frozen at the door-frame by the image of Merlin, in his jeans, an old t-shirt, Christmas hat and Arthur's apron dancing merrily around the kitchen and singing along the popular Christmas song. He looked happy and Arthur's heart almost stopped for a moment at the though of his friend being so happy even after all what's happened to him. He always knew Merlin was a fighter.

With a smile on his face Arthur stepped into the kitchen and in Merlin's way to make the cook notice him. But Merlin, being Merlin, didn't notice his blond friend until he bumped into him full force. He felt his body starting to fall backwards because of the impact, but Arthur's hands came around him and pressed him firmly to the toned chest. And then he heard a husky voice right next to his ear. "Be careful. Wouldn't want to take you to the hospital, now would we? Especially when you look so sweet in that apron." Merlin felt his cheeks heat up instantly and he pushed away from Arthur's hands.

"It's your apron and it wouldn't happen if you didn't come in my way" He saw Arthur's mouth open to say something, but the doorbell rang, effectively diverting blonde's attention.

"You should get ready" was everything Arthur told him before answering the door.

_Saved by the bell._ Merlin thought going to his room to change. What he didn't know was hat the exact same thought went through Arthur's mind.

* * *

Several hours later they were all pleasantly tipsy and were lounging around the living-room when Morgana came up with the idea of playing 'Twister'.

As per usual, Arthur was totally against it, while Gwen and Merlin agreed enthusiastically. And seeing that Lance seemed to agree to anything Gwen found fun, Arthur had no chance to get out of playing.

" Arthur, left hand green" Morgana's cheery voice sounded from her comfortable position on the sofa, her legs up, one hand holding a glass of rd wine and another spinning the roulette.

"I hate you" Arthur growled from his twisted position on the floor. His legs were bent at strange angles and one of his hands was already too close to Merlin's ass.

"I love you too, sweetheart." Morgana replied calmly. "Gwen, right leg yellow."

After some twisting and turning, Gwen adjusted to her new position and even managed to plant a quick kiss to Lance's lips. They seemed to be wrapped around each other in the ways that were not naturally possible.

"Lance, right hand red." Unfortunately the surgeon got so distracted by Gwen's closeness that he missed the circle and they both collapsed to the floor laughing and kissing.

"Hey, you two, get a room!" Arthur teased. "Or at least get out of the padding, so that I can show Merlin how to play Twister." It earned him an annoyed noise from Merlin and both Gwen and Lance who finally disentangled their limbs and joined Morgana on the sofa.

The game became more heated after there were only two players left, but none of them was willing to surrender, and Morgana tried to make them both fall calling out the most difficult positions.

At last, it was Arthur's turn to put his left leg on the red circle, but seeing as almost all of them were taken, he had to reach too far. And when he couldn't, he lost his balance and fell on top of Merlin. The trio on the sofa was laughing so hard, Arthur thought they'd fall off it to the floor, and Merlin was moving underneath him, trying to worm away.

"Will you get off me? You're awfully heavy!" he heard Merlin grumble.

"Are you implying I'm fat?" Arthur sounded amused but didn't move a muscle.

"I really can't breath, get off, Arthur!"

"And what's the magic word?"

"Now!" Merlin yelled, which caused another round of hysterical laughter from the couch. But Arthur had to roll off Merlin anyway, because it felt like Merlin was really having difficulty breathing. His breaths came out quick and shallow.

"You ok?"Arthur asked concerned.

"Yeah, but you definitely need to lose weight!" Merlin grinned and got up, giving his friend a hand.

"I'll let you know, I've got perfectly shaped body." The blonde responded arrogantly, which earned him the usual Merlin's "Prat!"

* * *

At midnight they drank champagne and made their wishes, then danced a little and talked.

_It turned out to be a great Christmas__._ Merlin thought smiling. _I guess everything's not as bad as it seems when you've got friends by your side. _

They exchanged gifts and saw Gwen and Lance to the door at almost 4 in the morning, while Morgana was already fast asleep on Arthur's bed. The three of them would give each other presents in the morning. More exactly, they'd all already placed them under the tree to open later. That was another part of their 'Traditional Christmas'.

"You should take the bed in the guest bedroom" Merlin suggested when they were left alone sitting on the living room sofa.

"Don't want to hear anything about it. It's your room for now, and you should definitely go to bed, or Santa Clause won't leave your present under the tree." Arthur teased, but Merlin knew he was resolute about his decision.

"I'm sure he will leave some coal for you though" The dark-haired man smiled. "Good night, Arthur. And thanks for a wonderful Christmas." He leaned towards his friend and gave him a strong, but quick hug.

"You're always welcome, Merlin" Arthur replied quietly and lay down on the sofa.

And that's how he appeared to be the first one to notice the red light blinking in the answering machine in the morning.

_You've reached Arthur Pendragon's flat. Merlin Emrys also lives here now. If you leave a message, we'll contact you as soon as possible._

"Thank God I found you, Merlin. It's Will. Your Mom's in the hospital. She's fine now, but she got several serious burns. There was a fire in your house on Christmas night! Call me back as soon as you can!"


	8. Chapter 8 Can't go on like this

A/N I'm terribly sorry I had you all waiting for so long.

I've prepared a few excuses, but I'm pretty sure you're not interested in them, so just read and enjoy the next chapter. And review if you like what you read ;)

I hope I'll be able to update more regularly from now on.

Warnings: Merlin-centric, angst

_**It's a hard life**_

Chapter 8. Can't go on like this.

Merlin was pacing in Arthur's kitchen for almost twenty minutes now. He held his cell phone and chanted '_pickupppickuppickup'_ mantra into the receiver.

This morning when he woke up and went to the living room to wake Arthur and make some coffee in hope to ease his headache he found his friend already awake speaking softly to Morgana. When they noticed him they suddenly went quiet and looked at Merlin with eyes full of sympathy and sadness.

"What happened?" was all he could ask before he was swept into a hug by sobbing Morgana.

Soon after that Merlin's friends let him listen to the message from Will and now he was nervously pacing in the kitchen, while Arthur and Morgana were sitting quietly in the living-room, watching their friend through the door.

With every passing ring Merlin grew more anxious and he was clutching the phone tighter. When he first heard Will's voice in the message he was glad, but as soon as he heard the news about his mother, his insides went cold.

She was the only family he had left. Merlin's father died not long before his son's birth and Merlin had never seen him. Hunith had never remarried, so he had no siblings. It was hard enough to be this far from her when he moved to study and work in London, but he still could visit her once in a month or two.

The mere thought of losing her made his mind go blank and his blood turn cold in his veins. And the only thing that stopped him from running out of the flat and jumping on the first train to Ealdor was a quick chat with Morgana and Arthur he had before he could dial Will's number.

* * *

"Merlin, listen to me!" Morgana held his shoulders tightly and tried to shake him and make him listen to reason. "I know you're worried and so are we, but I need you to understand that you can't leave London, no matter what. Your case is in the court and if Aredian finds out you left the city, he'll use it against you in the court room."

"I don't care!" Merlin could barely control his voice without shouting. "She's my mother, don't you understand? I need to be with her, to make sure she's fine!" He was trying to shake Morgana's hands off and dial the number at the same time. That's when Arthur decided it was his turn to intrude.

"Merlin, calm down!" Arthur made his friend sit on the couch and pulled the phone out of his death grip. "First of all, we don't know your Mom's condition. If she has severe damage no one will stop you from going to her. But if she's conscious and stable, you should stay in London."

"But…"  
"No, listen to me. Do you really think Hunith would want you to risk your medical career for her sake if she was fine?" This made Merlin stop struggling to get away from the couch and reach his phone. "I'm pretty sure you didn't tell her about sue, so if you don't want to worry her and keep your position in the Hospital, we should come up with a convincing cover up story."

* * *

When Will finally picked up the phone Merlin was ready to send his career and hid friends' best intentions to hell and leave for his home town.

"Merlin? Hey man!" was the first thing the tired and nervous surgeon heard through the line.

"How's my Mom?"

"Don't you think that if she wasn't fine I'd greet you with something else?" Will's voice was rather skeptical, so Merlin could relax a bit. His friend loved Hinith as his own mother, so if something was seriously wrong he wouldn't be able to be sarcastic. Unfortunately, Merlin was in no mood for joking, so his reply came harsh and cold.

"Why the hell didn't you pick up the damned phone then? I was worried she was…" he couldn't quite finish this phrase, as his throat constricted and he had to practically make his lungs let the air in. The mere thought about his Mom being dead or seriously hurt made the world around him turn gray.

"I'm sorry, Merlin, I forgot my cell at the hospital when I went to take care of your house." Merlin felt the pang of guilt at these words. It should have been him who took care of his mother, of the fire in their house and he felt even more guilty because of his outburst at Will who was always there for his Mom and Merlin whenever they needed help. He finally stopped running around the kitchen and sat at the table, putting his head down on the counter to let its cool surface soothe his reeling nerves.

"Sorry" he muttered softly "How's she?"

Will seemed to catch the sudden change of attitude, so he instantly became serious "The doctors told me she had several burns, though none that would need transplantation, she also breathed in a lot of carbon dioxide, so right now she has oxygen treatment."

Merlin breathed a sigh of relief.

"I'll call her doctor later, just tell how she is coping with all this?" he asked just as quietly. He felt exhausted from his nervous rush and all he wanted to do right now was to hug his mom and fall asleep, cuddled beside her, knowing she was fine.

"She seems fine to me, a little shaken, but she's already pestering doctors to let her go home and start the renovation." Will paused far a moment gathering his thoughts. "Are you coming to see her?"

There was a long and painful silence. Then Will heard a single word.

"No"

"What? Why? What can be more important to you?" Will was shouting and Merlin winced, but didn't bother pulling the phone away from his ear.

He waited till his friend stopped screaming closing his eyes tightly and banging his forehead against the tabletop several times. Didn't Will understand that Hunith was everything to him, and how painful it was to be away from her when she was in the hospital. If it weren't for Arthur and Morgana he'd already be on his way to Ealdor, but he knew perfectly well they were right.

There was just this one matter that his heart didn't always agree with his brain and that's why it was difficult for him to make this decision.

He didn't notice when the shouts on the other side of the line stopped. Merlin came back to reality only when he heard the simple question asked in an angry but leveled voice: "Why?"

It was like something broke within Merlin. He started rambling, telling his oldest friend about all the problems that seemed to appear all at once in his life. He spoke about cheating Freya and about the dying patient, about the sue and how he had to live with Arthur because he couldn't stand to see his long-term girlfriend anymore. His voice was calm, but inside he felt fury and anger and sorrow, so many emotions swirled in a wild dance inside his chest he felt like it was going to tear his heart apart.

"And then you call me to tell my Mother's in the hospital. Why do you think I can't go and visit her?" as soon as Merlin finished his tale he once again felt tired.

"Oh God, Merlin, I'm sorry" was all Will could muster at first.

"Yeah, I get that a lot lately" Merlin smiled bitterly. "Just don't tell Mum anything I told you about. I don't want to worry her. As soon as the trial is finished, I'll come and visit her and tell her everything that happened."

"Sure, I understand. But how will you explain you're not coming now?"

"I'll tell her Freya is at the hospital after a surgery and she needs me here."

"That cheating bitch! I know you loved her, but I never really trusted her." Merlin closed his eyes once more, trying hard not to recall the scene he saw in his own bedroom.

"I'd really rather not talk about her. Listen, could you call me back when Mum is awake, so that I could speak to her?"

"Actually, I'm right outside her room and she's awake. Do you think you're ready to speak to her?"

"Why shouldn't I be?" asked Merlin bewildered

"Merlin, you're an awful liar, especially when it comes to Hunith" this made Merlin smile for the first time since he heard the message this morning.

"Isn't that supposed to be a good thing? Anyway, I hope she won't be able to notice it this time and you are to help me make her believe my lie"

"Me lying to Hunith? It doesn't seem right." Merlin could clearly hear the smirk in his friend's voice.

"Like you weren't the one who covered all my awful lies" he teased and then added more seriously "Let me talk to her, will you?"

"Sure, bye mate. Make sure you don't get into any more trouble, okay?"

"I'll try, but I can't promise anything. You know me. And Will?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks"

"You're welcome, Merlin" after that the surgeon could hear some footsteps and muffled greetings from Will and his Mother. He was anxious to hear her voice, it would prove she was well enough to speak on the phone, but at the same time he was afraid she would read through his lies like she always did.

"Merlin?" Her voice sounded a little hoarse and tired, but the way she pronounced his name made something warm appear in his chest. He could feel some of the weight lift from his shoulders and a small smile appeared on his lips. It was a pathetic shadow of his usual wide smiles, but it was there.

"Hey, Mum." He said quietly. "Did you start smoking and forget to put out the cigarette before throwing it to the bin?" he hoped he sounded calm and teasing.

"No, Merlin, I just decided to make a fire in the middle of the living-room because my stove didn't work. Who knew it could burn down the house?" Hunith seemed to catch on his joke and if she could make joke, Merlin had almost nothing to worry about.

"How are you, Mum?" He asked seriously after her chuckles subsided.

"Is that what they taught you to ask at Med School? I guess the Scholarship Board threw its money down the wind." She teased again.

"Don't you worry, I'll call your doctor as soon as I'm done with you. Now could you just answer the question, please?"

"It's good to know my son doesn't forget to add 'please'." She laughed a little more and then suddenly got serious. "I know what you think and I want you to stay where you are. I feel tired and a little in pain, but doctors say it'll pass after some rest."

"I hope it will. And what do you mean by 'stay where you are'? What if I'm already half-way to Ealdor?"

"I wouldn't be surprised, but I hope you're not. I don't want you fussing all over me when I'm not an invalid." She paused and added after some thought, as if she was afraid to hear his answer "So where are you, Merlin?"

"Oh, don't worry, I'm in London. But as soon as I can I'll come to Ealdor to help you with the house."

"As soon as you can? What is that supposed to mean?" She sounded worried now. _Great_.

"Freya's in the hospital after surgery and I need to stay with her."

"What happened?" now she was definitely worried.

"Nothing serious, just a common appendix surgery. She'll be fine in a week or two. That's when I'm going to come and see you. I really hope you're perfectly fine by the time I get there."

"Oh, poor girl! You take good care of her, Merlin. And I want you to bring her when you come to see me." The concern in his mother's voice made him cringe. A few weeks ago it would make him smile, but right now it was like twisting the knife in his back. He needed to finish the call as soon as possible before he said something that would undermine his lies.

"Than it's a deal, Mum! You take care of yourself and get better and I make sure Freya does the same. And when you're both healthy, we'll come and see you." The cheery voice sounded fake to his own ears, so he prayed the God Hunith didn't notice it.

"Okay, it's deal. And don't forget to take care of yourself too!"

"I will, Mum"

"Oh! I almost forgot! Merry Christmas, Merlin!" he heard her smile and wished he could be by her side right now.

"Merry Christmas, Mum! Bye."

He hung up and banged his head against the table a couple more times. It was one of those moments when he felt like his life was a little too unfair.

He felt like screaming, but kept silent.

He felt like crying, but his eyes remained dry.

He felt like sleeping, but he had too many things to do.

So he dialed another number and talked to his Mum's doctor.

To his relieve, everything was far better than it could have been and than he already pictured it for himself. All his Mum had to do was stay in bed for a few days and then keep away from strain for a few weeks. All her burns were supposed to heal completely and she didn't have any internal damage or psychological problems.

After he settled the matters with Doctor Connely and asked the man to call him if anything changed for worse, Merlin's mind was suddenly blank with only one question shining in bright neon letters: "What caused the fire?"

Knowing there was no way he could deal with it right now, Merlin silently left the kitchen, crossed the living-room and entered his room , falling on the bed like a puppet with cut strings.

Of course, sleep wouldn't come to him, so Merlin chose to lie on his back, arms crossed behind his head and stare at the ceiling.

* * *

Morgana and Arthur watched Merlin go to his room like a zombie, but decided that everything was fine, seeing that he was not running out in his pajama to the train station.

Morgana, never the patient one, wanted to go and ask Merlin what happened, but Arthur stopped her. He knew his friend a little better and was sure that Merlin needed time to get out of his stupor before he could talk.

When morning slowly turned into afternoon, Arthur saw his sister to the door after she made him promise he would call her as soon as he knew anything.

The sun was on its way down to the horizon when Arthur was out of things he had to do. He had already cleaned the apartment after the party, washed the dishes, watched a few traditional Christmas movies and felt like he was going to blow up any second now.

So he quietly approached Merlin's door and opened it to look at his friend.

He was prepared to see Merlin crying, or watching old photographs, or pacing around the room. What he was not prepared to see was Merlin laying on his bed still as a dead man his eyes staring off into space. He didn't even notice Arthur was in the room until the blond settled on the edge of his bed. And even when he turned his head to look at Arthur he looked right through him.

"Hey, want to eat something? We have some last night's leftovers." Arthur suggested, not really knowing what to say.

Merlin stayed silent and only shook his head, turning it to stare at the ceiling once more.

_I should have let Morgana speak to him, she's much better with this. _Arthur thought belatedly.

"So how's your Mum? Seems she's well enough for you to stay in London?" Merlin stayed silent again, but nodded slightly, without even looking at Arthur.

"Alright, call me, if you need anything." He was about to get up and leave the room, when he heard a quiet "Please stay" from Merlin. He looked down at his friend once again and saw there was enough place on the bed beside him. So Arthur did the first thing that came to his mind – he lied down and scooped Merlin in his hands, pressing him tight to his chest.

Merlin wasn't crying, nor was he trembling, he was still for a moment, but then hugged Arthur back and pressed himself further into the warm and welcoming embrace.

The room was silent for a long time and Arthur was sure his friend was asleep long ago, when he heard Merlin whisper quietly into his chest "I'm so tired."

Arthur knew what he meant, but didn't say anything; he just pulled Merlin a little closer and tightened his hold.


End file.
